So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
