Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
