great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
