I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
