You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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