He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
