Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
