bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize