I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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