I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
