I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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