There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
