I got chris browned last night
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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