Sry I called you an 8
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
