Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
