I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
