the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
