oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We are all done wearing pants today
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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