It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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