Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize