I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
