My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
