Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
