You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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