Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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