I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
