Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Alive.
So much puke
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize