Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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