I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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