Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
