i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
