I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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