The maid of honor just puked.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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