I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
