What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
