What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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