I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
