i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
