So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
