im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
