I'm laying in your front yard are you home
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
