you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
