Your mouth is God's brothel.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
