don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
