She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Randomize
