I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize