you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
