Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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