she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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