Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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