I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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