Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize