For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
