whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
