You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
