if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He? As in you personified your dick?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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