It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
