matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
