chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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