can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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