At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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