woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
