Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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