I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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