Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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