So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
