im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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