It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
