Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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