I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
