you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
