dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
