drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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